“I was constantly arguing with my teenage daughter.
Everything was a bitter debate until I changed the way I was communicating.
Then she changed…..because I did.”
Hannah’s mom
Are You:
Here's Why
Parenting a teen can be a very frustrating
experience. One year they are sweet and
respectful, wanting to hold your hand and call you “mommy”, and the next year, they are rolling their eyes, groaning when you ask the smallest request, wanting to spend as much time with their friends as possible, and as little time as possible with you.
There’s a reason to feel neglected and bewildered. Teenaged behavior can come on almost overnight....One of the common stereotypes of adolescence is the rebellious, wild teen continually at odds with Mom and Dad. Although that extreme may be the case for some kids and this is a time of emotional ups and downs, that stereotype certainly is not representative of most teens. But the primary goal of the teen years is to achieve independence. For this to occur, teens will start pulling away from their parents - especially the parent whom they're the closest to. This can come across as teens always seeming to have different opinions than their parents or not wanting to be around their parents in the same way they used to.
As teens mature, they start to think more abstractly and rationally. They're forming their moral code. And parents of teens may find that kids who previously had been willing to conform to please them will suddenly begin asserting themselves - and their opinions - strongly and rebelling against parental control. You may need to look closely at how much room you give your teen to be an individual and ask yourself questions such as: "Am I a controlling parent?," "Do I listen to my child?," and "Do I allow my child's opinions and tastes to differ from my own? Now might be a good time to readjust your parenting style for “Phase II” of childhood, which needs a whole different type of “management” system than parenting a young child.
Is Your Teen:
Here's Why
When you consider that the teen years are a period of intense growth, not only physically but morally and intellectually, it's understandable
that it's a time of confusion and upheaval for many families. At
precisely the time when the brain seems unaware of consequences or strategies for planning, the brain is infused with an abundance of new
chemicals and hormones. These hormones include adrenaline and
cortisol, which fluctuate the teen’s energy levels and often leave them able to stay up late at night, but exhausted late-sleepers in the morning. This is natural, but very inconvenient for school and work
schedules. In addition, growth and sex hormones flood the system,
changing the body, the voice, and the attachment cycles of boys
(testosterone) and girls (oxcytocin and estrogen). Revved up on
hormones and excitation brain neuroprocessors, teens look for mental stimulation (scary movies, thrilling rides, video games, rebellion,
limit-stretching, heated debates, and crushes) They often experience
mood swings and moodiness that even they don’t quite understand. They project their confusion onto the people nearest them, often pushing away and alienating their own family members, all which serves to help them break away and individuate. If they did not do this now, they would never be able to “leave the nest”.
Despite some adults' negative perceptions about teens, they are often energetic, thoughtful, and idealistic, with a deep interest in what's fair and right. So, although it can be a period of conflict between parent and child, the teen years are also a time to help children grow into the distinct individuals they will become.
Being a parent is complex, challenging and pressurized. "Good parenting" doesn't just happen. It requires patience, coping skills, empathy, love, emotional maturity, compassion, and education. And those are just the basics. I believe all moms, dads and caretakers can benefit from professional support and assistance to help with parenting issues. A parent coach, one who is a parent as well, can help you to acquire skills to manage discipline and communication and reduce conflicts. Coaching can be as simple as meeting one time a week, with a follow up phone call. Or you may want to join our bi-weekly parent support group. Coaching focuses on the present and the future, rather than the past. Typically, clients have some internal blocks to change (if change was easy, we’d have already done it) and emotional triggers we are unaware of until coaching progresses. All sessions begin with a medical history and discussion of your treatment goals – clarifying the problem and how you would like to change. We then design the “how” and “what if” together.